What If Someone Unexpected Became Pope?

Imagine a world where the election of the Pope takes an unexpected turn. The papacy—a highly respected role within the Catholic Church—has traditionally been held by experienced cardinals with deep theological knowledge. But what if I chose somebody at random and wrote about it? In this post, we’ll pick random people or characters to become the Pope and explore what that might look like.

Bart Simpson

Unfortunately, nobody ever really cares who the Pope is, because it’s usually just some old man. I think a younger, animated character might actually get people more interested in religion. While Bart is a mischievous young man, he tries his best—and isn’t that all you can really ask of your Pope?

I wonder how Bart would change up the Popemobile. He’d probably push it into a canyon and just skateboard around instead. Bart loves to skateboard. He also has a hard time sitting still, so I believe he’d make huge, sweeping changes to traditional Mass. For example, he might shorten services—or introduce a snack break in the middle. I like snack breaks, so I’d be on board with this.

BlackRock

What if, instead of some old guy, the cardinals elected an American multinational investment management corporation as the new Pope? There would be both positives and negatives to this scenario. One upside is that it removes some of the humanity from the Papal position. Policy decisions would be handled by predictive AI. The Church would become much more efficient, run by profit-focused algorithms rather than waiting around for some old man to reflect on morality.

But there are also obvious downsides to electing a shadow bank as Pope. Most religions are based on a general idea of “doing the right thing.” If the Catholic Church focused instead on maximizing shareholder value, things could get weird. While not necessarily a total negative, it is definitely a new idea.

A Two-Headed Man

There’s a popular saying that “two heads are better than one.” This is, of course, completely ridiculous—especially when both heads are elected as Pope. Which head is the real Pope? Both? Extensive research into Church doctrine would need to take place, wasting everybody’s time.

Reflecting on Future Possibilities

Whether the Pope is a skateboarding Simpson, a soulless corporation, or a freak, each is far more interesting than yet another old man. I’d like to think that, whoever the Pope is, we could all learn to accept and love them—no matter what.