An Unseen Danger – How to Avoid Every Serious Businessman’s Worst Nightmare

By Guest Columnist Jack Tierney

“One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it” – Master Oogway

When you think of embarrassing situations, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Giving a presentation in your underwear? Taking your girlfriend to meet your parents? Taking a bite of your freshly made sandwich and discovering you’ve used too much mustard? While all of these situations can cause some level of embarrassment there is only one situation more embarrassing – and surprisingly more common – to today’s serious businessman than all of these events put together: slipping on a banana peel. Here at adamlombardi.com we spent our entire scientific research budget for the year and commissioned America’s top scientists to develop the following tips and tricks to help you, dear reader, avoid this terrifying fate. 

Join us as we go through some facts that are almost certain to impress your work wife at the water cooler.

Figure 1 - The Crime in Question

Tip #1: Watching Where You’re Going

While this may come as a surprise, with a keen eye you can actually spot a banana peel lurking in the concrete jungle before you step on it. By angling your head towards the ground or even simply glancing down with just your eyes you can avoid falling into the clutches of one of those pesky peels. The scientists did not, however, have an answer to the rare instance in which the banana peel sneaks up on you instead of vice versa, but rest assured we will continue our research once our budget is renewed.

Figure 2: Further Research Required

Tip #2: Night-Vision Goggles

Have you ever been outside when the sun has gone down? Believe it or not it gets pretty dark out there. This minimizes your ability to seek peel, but it does not minimize the peel’s ability to seek you. One tried and true solution to help improve visibility in these dark hours is a pair of trusty night-vision goggles. Pop those puppies on and you’ll never live in fear of a nighttime banana peel incident again. You could also use it to spy on your neighbors or lurk around in the bushes of your local nature preserve and pretend to be a predator, which could be a fun way to enjoy your evening depending on who you ask.

Figure 3: Oh I uh... didn't see you there ;)

Tip #3: Jetpack

Remember that minigame you could play on the roof of the lighthouse in Club Penguin where you could fly around and collect coins and stuff with a jetpack? Wasn’t that awesome? I can’t say I was super great at it but it’s also been about 15 years and could probably dominate if I got on the sticks today. Anyways imagine doing that in real life I bet it would be pretty fun. Oh and also the banana peel is native to the city streets so you wouldn’t have to worry about that whole “slipping” thing as with a jetpack you’d be able to glide, quite tastefully I might add, high above their hunting grounds.

Figure 4: Some High Octane Jetpack Action

Closing Thoughts

Before you begin your solemn trek to the office next Monday and work towards the inevitable death of your soul, be sure to review these helpful tips and tricks to combat a potentially embarrassing situation. Imagine this: as your coworker is slipping and sliding like a total buffoon and embarrassing himself in front of your boss, you glide in on your jetpack with a pair of night-vision goggles and gracefully avoid the same disastrous destiny. If that doesn’t earn you a promotion, we’re not sure what will. 

Also this is backed by science by the way.