Amenities I Cannot Live Without

Defined as "desirable or useful features or facilities of a building or place," amenities are things like heat, dishwashers, or floors. They are the luxuries that the wealthy can afford to have in their homes. Let me tell you about a few amenities that I need to survive.

Water

Truly a gift from Mother Earth, water has almost unlimited uses. You can drink it, splash around in it, and, mysteriously, it seems to be clear up close yet blue from far away.

Despite its many uses, there is only one reason water is at the top of my list of necessities. When I grab a glass of cabernet sauvignon, my favorite fantasy romance novel, and prepare to relax for the evening, I do not sit on the couch like an idiot. I gracefully slip into a warm bath full of water and forget about my problems. It is one of life's luxuries that I absolutely cannot live without.

Recently, I learned that the sky is blue because our planet is encircled by water during the daytime, which is obviously fascinating.

Man enjoying warm bath

Carpets

I am about to share one of my deepest and darkest secrets with you: my feet can get a little bit cold sometimes. For a man with cold feet, there is nothing more useless than a hardwood floor. Carpets are warm, soft, and comfortable to walk across. Hardwood floors are cold, useless, and shameful.

Feet on carpet

Television

As I write this informative article, the TV is on for some background noise and entertainment. The television is essential for accomplished authors such as myself, who are not interested in completing the task at hand in a timely manner. For example, I have been writing this paragraph for about fifteen minutes because the Seinfeld episode I’m watching has been vaguely interesting. Kramer is giving bus tours, George is pretending to move to New York, Jerry is shaving his chest hair, and Elaine is also up to something.

Without TV, I would have to resort to the radio or a podcast, which would leave my eyeballs horribly unstimulated. I would have to focus my eyes on this dull computer screen, which would certainly lead to me getting this article done quickly like a moron.

Educational television

The Man Who Makes Strange Noises and Moves My Things Around at Night

Truthfully, I am not certain that the person who clangs around my home and moves my chairs and lamps is a man, because I have only had a few glimpses of them. He is extremely elusive, and sometimes when I hear a particularly loud sound, I leap out of bed to try and catch him.

The best look I had of him was a couple of years ago. I heard a noise downstairs in the kitchen, but when I opened my eyes, I only saw a shape staring back at me. Inches from my face, I could see his eyes staring into mine. They were two demonic orbs of chaos that glinted with the thrill of danger. Before I could even scream, he vanished.

While there are some negatives to living with somebody like this, I would be crushed if anything happened to him. I’m sure that he has my best interests in mind, and I’m certain that the world would end if he ever stopped making thuds and bumps in the middle of the night or stopped rotating my coffee table to face the other way.

Only picture I have been able to capture

The Quiet Importance of Everyday Comfort

Without my favorite amenities, I might as well live in the woods. Simple comforts make day-to-day life easier by giving me the ability to enjoy a nice bath, keep my feet warm, entertain myself while I write, and haunt me at night. Without these little joys of life, I would just give up and eat beans in the forest forever.